


The truths The Doctor never tells

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Bonding, Developing Friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 23:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10752324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Bill is taken to a land of dreams, and meet a woman and her granddaughter. Bill comes back, and suddenly she is seeing The Doctor in a new light.





	The truths The Doctor never tells

**Author's Note:**

> A weird idea of Bill nearly dying and meeting River and Susan in a place in The Doctor’s mind where his companions come when they don't travel alongside him anymore - no matter if they left him or died, it is where they end up.

Bill’s lost. Completely, utterly lost in a big field with dry brown grass that almost looked burned in some places. Bill doesn’t know what she’s doing there or where The Doctor and Nardole went, but she’s pretty sure it's not her fault.

 

Because Nardole had told her not to wander off. “The Doctor hates”, he’d said.

 

Because The Doctor told her not to wander off. “It’s as bad as not being on time.” He’d said.

 

And she hadn’t wandered off, she sweared, but now she was in a dry grass field all alone and somehow she must have wander off even though she didn’t.

 

Looking around again, Bill sigh. There is nothing more to see than her last two surveys already showed her, for beside the burn grass and a big tree sticking up some distance away, the entire space is completely empty and unfamiliar. 

 

Not knowing what else to do, Bill walks her way to the only tree she can see. It looks like a grand oak, but it's leaves are silver, gleaming like jewellery on the pale brown branches as they stretch towards the burning orange and red sky.

 

It looks like and oak, but it's not, and Bill try to withhold the tears gathering in her eyes as she suddenly realises how badly she wanted something familiar to hold onto in this place. Just one tiny, familiar detail that she could latch onto to keep herself floating in the sea of fear and uncertain. But there's nothing, and finally Bill decides that the tree is enough, giving it a quick hug before sitting down underneath it. 

 

She is certain that of she just wait under that tree long enough, then The Doctor and Nardole would come to save her. They had to.

 

She’s been sitting there and waiting for salvation for she doesn't know how long, almost giving up hope that she will ever be found, when she hears a voice in the distance.

 

“Come on! Hurry grandmother!” 

 

As Bill looks away, looks out into the field, she can see a girl standing there in the distances. She’s tiny, a teenage girl of probably fourteen or fifteen but not very tall nor rounded. She’s got short cut brown hair and dark eyes and a leather hat, and Bill almost imagines she’s seen her, because she is moving in her direction, but then she turn around and start shouting. “Come on!” She cries, her voice high pitched and childish, and Bill wonders who she’s calling for when there’s no one but the two of them to be seen.

 

That is, until there is someone else. The girl is waiting impatiently for a while, jumping for one foot to the other as she waited for something or someone, but then there's suddenly a woman appearing at the horizon, hastily making her way to the little girl, who waves at her as she see her coming.

 

Gorgeous, is the first thing Bill thinks as she sees the new person approaching the girl. She is a woman, probably middle aged, with a generous, curvy body and a head full of impossible golden curls that spill down her shoulder like a glowing waterfall made of sunshine. She smiles, her smile as lovely as the rest of her, as she catch up with the young girl. “I’m not your grandmother, Susan.” She chides the girl gently, giving her a hug the next second to show she mean no harm.

 

“But you’re married to my grandpa.” The girl, Susan, still reply, stubbornly, as the two of them start walking again, moving in Bill’s direction. The other woman doesn’t reply, but nod thoughtfully, half agreeing with Susan.

 

Up till now, there’s been an odd sort of calm over the entire situation, Bill peacefully observing the only other two people that seemed to exist on that planet, but now it’s gone. Bill doesn’t feel calm anymore. 

 

The spotting of two other people in this dead and desolate place has at long last awoken a desperate feeling inside her, and as the woman continue to approach, she stands up and scream. “Hello! Over here! Please help!” She scream and scream and doesn’t care that she’s becoming hoarse, desperately hoping they will see her and help her because she doesn't know where she is and she swear she never meant to leave The Doctor and Nardole and wander off.

 

The two women seems suddenly terrified as they finally notice her, big eyes and gaping mouths staring at her as they come to a stop, not more than a hundred meters away and almost close enough for Bill touch. She want to touch them, want to assure herself that they are actually real and she is not going crazy, but she doesn’t dare to. The thought of them not being real after all is all too frightening, and she prefer not to know.

 

Still standing opposite her, the older woman has tightened her grip on the younger one, who is searching out the comfort on her elder as she glare at Bill.

 

“It’s a new one, grandmother! A new one!” She points at Bill, almost whining, angry like a little child someone had wronged.

 

The older woman nods at her granddaughter, her head bending backwards as she turned to look at the sky. “It's going to rain, then. It hasn't rained since I came here.” She looks down from the empty sky, and she smile politely, offering a hand. “I’m professor River Song. Who, darling, are you?”

 

“I’m Bill. Bill Potts.” Bill says carefully, taking her hand a shacking it, before doing the same with the teenager. “Have you seen The Doctor? Or Nardole? They’re this two guys I was travelling with...It's weird because they were just here and then I was…” She trails off, looking around her as if she’ll find them somewhere around her and knowing very well that she won't. 

 

The girl shook her head, laughing. “They’re not here, I think.” She says, her face then suddenly turning serious. “I hope they never come. I’m Susan by the way. Susan Foreman. River is my gran.” The seriousness melts into a smile again that makes Bill smile, too, because it was very cute. 

 

Somehow, it doesn't feel weird, that these two knows The Doctor. Somehow, since she started travelling with him, Bill’s got this idea in her head that  everyone  should know The Doctor. He’s a time traveling alien in a blue box, after all, so how could anyone miss him? That these two ladies knew him was just perfectly  expected .

 

“So, um, where am I? And where is The Doctor?” She asks finally, a bit sheepish because the fact she doesn't know is why she called for them in the first place. 

 

“You’re on Gallifrey.” The girl says, and there’s sadness now, eyes tearing up as glance up at the sky again, perhaps waiting for the rain River spoke of earlier to fall from the perfectly clear sky. “The Gallifrey of The Doctor’s mind. He put us here, which means he is all around us and not here at all.”

 

“What? Who are ‘we’? What is Gallifrey?” Bill doesn’t like the way the girl speaks. It sounds dire and unsettling and give her chills, and to be quite frank, it doesn't answer none of her questions either. Because saying The Doctor put her there, on a planet she doesn't know, with people she doesn't know, it just can't be right can it?

 

“We” River says. “Are the ones, that The Doctor lost, or who said goodbye. A mental footprint of someone who was but is no longer, sorted into a part of his brain where it will never be forgotten.” She smile, but there is tears in her eyes, and her voice cracks slightly as she finishes. Bill thinks she’s going to say something more, but before she can, a third voice speaks up, crying out, the sound coming from all around them.

 

“BILL!” It’s The Doctor, he’s calling for her, his voice conveying more emotions than Bill’s ever seen in him, and she feels scared because where is the voice coming from? If she’s really inside The Doctor’s brain, then...then is it his thoughts she’s hearing? Or? And why is he screaming...why is he so scared?

 

“BILL YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP! COME ON! WAKE UP!”

 

She doesn’t understand, doesn’t know why The Doctor is yelling at her inside his own mind, but Susan and River seems to, as they both light up with happiness when they hear his screams.

 

“She’s not lost!” Susan screams, too, but with glee, pulling at her grandma’s arm to get her attention. “Oh, grandma, he’s still trying to get her back!”

 

River, now openly crying, look up at the sky, and then looks down at Bill. “The rain is the tears The Doctor never shed for us. The emotions he refuses to let free, even when they're eating him up inside. It becomes rain, liquid sadness pouring down upon us to let us know how missed we are.” She smiled more, and this time her voice is perfectly steady. “But your not lost yet, nor have you said good bye. You can still come out of here, and go back there, to him!” 

 

Before Bill can say another word, Susan runs over to her, hugging her tight around her midsection. “Fitz and Adric doesn’t like the rain.” She says, hugging Bill tighter. “Please don’t let it rain.”

 

She looks down at her, at the teenager wrapped around her waist in a tight hug, her face buried in Bill’s chest. She doesn’t know her, doesn't know who she is, but something in her words convince her to agree. “Alright, But what do I do? How do I...get back to The Doctor? Get out of here?” She wraps her arms around Susan, who is still hugging her, recuperating the hug, and looks up at River.

 

River nods at her, something in the mild look in her eyes telling Bill that she is thankful for her decision, and that she’s made the right one. “You got to focus on him, on being there with him. Think, what is the best thing he did for you? How did you meet? Tell me. Anything to hold onto, that connects you with him.”

 

“Alright. I...I met him, when I snuck into one of his lectures. He works at the university, where I work in the canteen, you see, and...he’s been working there a long time, some say seventy years. I…” She frowns, try to concentrate, but find it hard.

 

“Close your eyes.” Susan whisper, her own eyes closed  as she kept herself wrapped tightly around Bill’s midsection. It felt safe and warm to have her there, like one of those really big stuffed toys you had as child, that was almost as big as you when you first got it.

 

Obediently, Bill close her eyes, and somehow it's immediately easier to focus. “Once” She says, trying to find the most precious memory of The Doctor she had. “Once, I told him, that I was supposed to look like my mom, but that it was hard, when it was hardly any photos of he to compare with. She hated having her picture taken. Later, my step-mom found some new photos of her in a cupboard. I looked at them and...I had never seen them before. But in one of them, you could see The Doctor hiding with a camera in a closet. He had gone back in time to take photos of my mom so I’d have some to look at. He did it, just for me, even though he hardly knew me.”

 

She can see it, the look on his face as she told him she didn’t know what she was supposed to look at. That wolfish grin he’d given her the next day, his eyes glimmering as though he'd done something wicked- she’d though he poisoned some of the other teachers coffee, but wasn’t sure. Obviously, that was not what happened.

 

Still, she could see the pride and happiness filling him just because he was able to help her with this one small, unimportant yet somehow  so important  thing, and it took her back, back to him and back to being with him

 

“She’s going now, Susan, come over here.” River speaks, her voice urgent, and Bill can feel the warm weight resting around her midsection disappearing, but doesn't think of it, as she is hit with sudden pain.

 

For  a few long, agonizing seconds, it feels like her entire body is on fire, pain taking up every square inch of her being as she felt as though she was being boiled and burned from the inside out, the torture stretching on and on until suddenly...it’s gone.

 

She wakes with a gasp, sitting up and seeing that she’s in The Doctor’s office. He and Nardole is sitting on each side of her, running those weird metal rods he’s collected in a bucket at his desk over her body, scanning her or something as the instruments beeped and wheezed.

 

“Bill. Bill, look at me.” The Doctor is sitting on her left side, grabbing her face with his hands and forcing her to look at him. “It’s okay. You're safe. Just had a bit of a run in with a rogue cyberman on campus.” He explains it slowly, neutrally, making it sound almost boring. Maybe, for him, it was.

 

“Had a bit of a close call, I suppose.” Nardol supplied, and Bill can feel hot tears trailing down her cheeks as she started to remember, the memories of the girl and the woman, Susan and River, in the dream landscape slowly reappearing in her mind.

 

Suddenly, overtaking by a compelling urge to just  move , she stands up, quickly crossing the room and more or less running her way to The Doctor’s desk, rounding it so she is standing on his side of it. She’s never dared go to that side, his side, of the desk before.

 

Nardole and The Doctor is following her, but they’re both a bit shocked and slow to react. Neither of them have a chance to even ask what is wrong, before she spots the two photographs standing on the Doctor’s desk.

 

One, put in a thin metal frame that gave it a stylish modern look, is of a middle aged woman with a teasing smile who's entire face is surrounded by a surreal amount of thick golden curls. She is familiar and Bill almost thinks she knows who she is as she looks to the right.

 

The other photo stands in strong contrast to the first. While the first had a fresh, modern design, this one is wrapped in a heavy leather and wood frame of the kind you’d find at your grandmother's house. In the photo, though, there's a picture of a teenage girl with short dark hair and a leather cap and dark eyes to match. 

 

Bill screams. Maybe not physically, maybe not audibly, but in her mind she screams as her hands come up to cover her mouth and even more tears flow down her cheeks. Looking back at her from the photos, are the women she had just met. River and Susan, grandmother and granddaughter.

 

“We are the ones, that The Doctor lost, or who said goodbye. A mental footprint who is no longer, sorted into a part of his brain where it will never be forgotten.”

 

She can hear River’s voice in her mind, calm and clear and collected, and she finally starts to calm down too. Her mental scream slowly subsidies, and so does the tears, and when she turns around, she sees that The Doctor is just standing there, waiting.

 

“Where did Nardole go?” Her voice is hoarse and there are still tears in her eyes, but she can’t help but ask, for he is not there anymore.

 

“I sent him out for tea. It is said to help calm people down. You certainly looked like you needed to calm down.” He just stand there, eyebrows furrowed and eyes focused on her.

 

“Look, I’m sorry, but I just...I was in your head and…” She tries to explain, but her voice dies and and the tears come back and she want to hug him, want to hug him as hard as Susan hugged her when she was inside The Doctor’s head but doesn't dare to.

 

“I know. I felt it. It's how I knew, that you were dying, and we needed to get you back.” She hear The Doctor speaking, and she can feel the arms closing around her, but she almost doesn’t want to believe it. As far as she knew, The Doctor didn’t do hugs. Yet, her mind argued, it was undeniable that he was hugging her right now.

 

One more moment pass, and then, finally, she gives into her urge, hugging The Doctor back tighter than she’s ever hugged anyone in her entire life, holding onto him as though she was trying to make up for the fact that River and Susan couldn’t. 

 

“I’m not going. I’m not saying goodbye or leaving. Not yet, not until you showed me everything.” She says it, her voice muffled by his shoulder as she pulls closer, and she means it with all her heart.

 

“I won't let you.” He answers, his voice thick and Scottish and she can tell that he means it too. “Not yet. It’s too soon.”

 

As he says it, something comes back to him,a memory waking up in the back of her head.

 

“Fitz and Adric doesn’t like when it rains.

Please don’t let it rain.” She remembers Susan, so small and fragile yet so old and wise, talking to her as she hugged her close. Bill remembers how she begged her to return to The Doctor, and suddenly feels extra proud that she did.

 

“I won't let it rain on them. Adric and Fitz doesn’t like the rain.” Bill doesn’t know who Adric and Fitz are, but she assume they are more people that he’s lost, and she feels a fierce need to protect them, even though it's evidently too late. But she guess,what she really wish to protect, is the man she is hugging. The man who got an entire miniaturized world inside his head, built to protect those he loved and lost from ever being forgotten. 

 

As she speaks, she can feel The Doctor tensing in her arms, but then he relaxes again  and she smiles against his shoulders as he speak once more. “I’ll protect you.” He says, fierce and determined and filled of Scottishness, his tongue waiting for the next person give a reprimand. “I won't let it rain on them, either.” She can feel something wet dripping down on the back of her shirt, but stays quiet and just hold the embrace, pretending not to notice.

 

Better for it to rain on the outside than the inside, she thought. Better to have it rain down her back as she hugged him than hiding in his mind and knowing the falling rain was his pain as he stood before her dead body.

 

And so, for everyone that once had but no longer could, for everyone that now only lived stored in a memory bank inside The Doctor’s head, hidden away due to his own fear of forgetting them, she decided to hold on for as long as she could.

 

It was the least she could do for The Doctor, and all she could do for River and Susan.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments please! :)


End file.
